Essays and Reflections: Drinking This Loneliness Dry
Drink this loneliness dry
Author: Qingya
It's raining again today, and I've been bored all morning. I accidentally fell and injured my leg this noon, the pain kept me awake, so I spent time online. Watching my familiar strangers one by one flash across QQ, they were all busy talking to their loved ones, I didn't want to bother them, so I hid and sat quietly, with Tengger's rough songs playing in my ears. Perhaps it's because it's the beginning of a new semester, things are busy and complicated, and I feel particularly frustrated, feeling like everything is going wrong. Within a month, I fell twice on my way to work, my leg was just recovering, and I injured it again. I don't know why, but I feel a deep loneliness rising up within me, pulling me into a vast, desolate swamp. This swamp is called loneliness.
When I'm lonely, the memories that come to mind are just as lonely. From the outside, I have a lot of friends, my husband and son are always around, and friends and colleagues often come to me to share their difficulties and problems, and I always try to help them. But inside, I'm incredibly lonely. Perhaps it's because my father always taught me to be strong, and I did, to the point where I surprised myself. But behind the strength is an unspoken psychological loneliness. Everyone envies me for always being cheerful and without worries, but no one can truly understand my inner loneliness, my pain, my troubles, and my sorrows, I bury them deep within myself. My joys and sorrows are never shown on the surface, but it's really tiring, and I can't change myself.
I've tried to talk to my friends about my troubles and vent my frustration, but seeing my friends become irritable because of my emotions, I couldn't bear it, so I quietly hid my true self again, giving my friends a sunny version of me.
I know I will continue to wander in this swamp called loneliness, but I believe that as long as I am in this swamp of loneliness, my friends and family will have one less burden. Haha, for my inner loneliness, I've found a new appreciation.
(This article is original by Qingya from Shandong, first published on Qingya's QQ space)
