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01

Having spent countless years, reflecting on half a lifetime, one seems to have gained different insights. The vows made in the past no longer hold true. Looking at the person beside them, they feel somewhat unfamiliar.

In middle age, where does security come from? How to handle oneself with composure?

A lifetime is a journey of pursuit. Pursuing the 'dream lover', pursuing dreams, pursuing children.

The biggest fear is 'like drawing a blank', fearing that half a lifetime will be in vain, fearing that all efforts will be ignored. Therefore, the 'security' of middle-aged people is often simply to give themselves time.

In middle age, one comes to see many human relationships and customs. The passionate love of youth has faded, unable to support a comfortable life; the happy future once envisioned has become stale and illusory.

Having experienced wind and rain, one realizes that at forty, everyone is unreliable – love is unreliable, people are unreliable. In fact, the greatest security comes from oneself, no matter at what age, one's own self is the most reliable anchor.

02

Love, like a fragile vase, cannot withstand the impact of daily life and the passage of time.

Reader Zhu Fang (pseudonym):

Since graduating and starting work, I've been busy with my career. When I got married, we promised to love each other for a lifetime. I firmly believed in that. But now, at forty or fifty, I realize my husband is unreliable – he's simply not the person who protected me throughout my life.

I diligently contributed to the family, giving him everything and caring for our children and elderly relatives. I heated his meals, prepared his clothes, and took care of everything I could.

To ensure my husband had a warm meal at home, I waited for him to return from work, no matter how late, and prepared his meals. To give our children a happy childhood, I sacrificed my own job to solve the problem of our children being cared for by elderly relatives.

That year, my father suffered a serious illness and needed a lot of money for treatment. I asked my husband for help, but he reluctantly refused. He constantly reminded me of things he'd always wanted. Whenever I did something that didn't meet his expectations, he would mention it.

My husband shouldered the family's expenses, while I became increasingly marginalized. He often looked down on me and didn't care about me. To take care of the family, I took on all the household chores, rarely getting a moment's peace.

My husband was busy and didn't have time to care for my health. I took care of our children, and he never complained, always criticizing me for being too fussy.

With decades of hard work, I was forty years old and my health began to deteriorate, often suffering from back pain and headaches, always feeling uncomfortable. But I coughed and groaned, and my husband was impatient, saying I was bothering him.

After a medical examination, the doctor said my condition was very serious. I wanted to talk to my husband about it, but he was impatient and said, 'If you're sick, go see a doctor, I'm not a doctor, what good would it do to talk to me?'

My husband's words chilled me to the bone. I realized that my sacrifices were meaningless; he had never been my strong support, let alone a source of security. He only gave me coldness and the expectation of a simple life.

I realized a truth: women often lose themselves in marriage, only to receive indifference from men.

03

Through Zhu Fang's account, it can be summarized that a woman's life can only rely on herself. At forty, everyone is unreliable – love is unreliable, people are unreliable. So you must 'do three things' to yourself.

In middle age, don't over-give, learn to pamper yourself.

Pampering oneself does not mean spending money on luxury goods, but rather to start from the heart, to live the life you want, to take the path you want.

In life, it seems that you are always living for others, without your own life, just like a typical housewife, her heart is only for her family, her main job is to take care of this family, but what do her efforts get her?

She gets only her own increasingly haggard skin, and her husband's fleeting thoughts.

It's sad to say, but it can't be compensated. Women can spend their time on themselves.

At least at forty, they don't have the burden of children or the need to care for their husbands, they can do what they want, they deserve a vacation, women need to be taken care of.

In middle age, don't choose comfort, leave the comfort zone to invest in yourself.

Wang Anshi said: 'Loving oneself is the end of benevolence, and it can be used to promote benevolence.' Only by learning to love oneself can we then love others. First, you must invest in yourself.

Because when you depend on yourself, you'll never deceive yourself. Your family, loved ones, friends, even your children, may deceive you due to unavoidable factors. Only by relying on yourself can you achieve security.

Investment isn't just 'money', but also to learn something new.

You can go to the gym to relax your mind and body; you can take interest classes to cultivate your interests; or even pursue your dreams. At this time, you are free from restraint and can focus on what you want to do, relying on yourself naturally.

In middle age, don't be restrained, face your own health. It's easy to lose your life if you neglect your health. Health is your own, only then can you embrace everything else you want.

Are you, at forty, still neglecting your health?

When you're ready to enjoy life, you're suddenly told that your life has only three months left. How devastating it would be, and regretful.

But even if there's regret, there's no way to go back. So start now, focus on your health, give yourself a new beginning.

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today's topic:

How to live at forty?

welcome to leave comments and discuss.

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