Healthy Relationships Are Not About Romance Every Day, But About Accumulation

You pay attention to me, I accompany you to love

Written by: Xuan Xiao Lei, also known as Xu Yang

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Frequently, people are confused about what love is. If two people haven't been together, then love can have many explanations.

For example, 'love at first sight' is when two people with similar appearances see each other and have a good connection, of course, this also includes things like chemistry and feelings.

In short, they think that the initial excitement and liking is love, and it might just be because of a smile, a glance, or a word that touched each other's hearts.

However, this kind of love comes quickly and may also go quickly. This kind of love might not be able to withstand any tests, because it's originally just a fleeting moment of interest, and it's often unrelated to reality.

But eventually, the two people need to be realized in reality, and living together is the ultimate test.

If it's not truly love, then it might start with intense passion, gradually become complacent, and eventually become coldly indifferent to each other.

This kind of love was initially so passionate and beautiful, but it couldn't last for a long time; it's impossible to talk about a lifetime together.

However, relationships that come together after getting to know each other and going through some trials and tribulations are relatively stable and long-lasting.

But they will still go through many tests, from passion to affection, from initial excitement to finally appreciating and understanding each other.

From the initial romantic heartbeats to the eventual peaceful co-existence. But if they truly love each other, they will feel that the longer they are together, the more they can't live without each other.

Even if they argue and have disagreements, they still know that the other person is the person they will spend their lives with.

But some people don't understand what love is, and they don't realize that love needs to be accumulated.They might be initially drawn to the freshness, and once that freshness disappears, they think they've lost love.

In the following life, even a small matter or trivial thing would make him feel resentful, he would be very meticulous and calculating.

They can't tolerate any flaws, can't be tolerant or forgiving, can't let go or forgive. Everything involves a struggle between winning and losing, or a question of who's right and wrong.

They might also be selfish, focusing more on their own feelings and interests, and ignoring the other person.

Of course, they will also start to criticize each other's shortcomings, and then think they've lost love.

But this isn't necessarily losing love; it's just that love didn't exist in the first place, because it was initially based on the excitement of novelty, and they didn't realize or admit it themselves.

However, true lovers, or couples who have been together for a long time and have stable relationships, their feelings are not created in a single day, but are accumulated over a long period.

These accumulations are all small things in life; they are so small that we can easily ignore them, but they are reflected in our daily words and deeds.

For example, cooking a meal for the other person, pouring a cup of water, saying a kind word, showing concern, saying a wish, a reassurance, a little care, a concession, a little gentleness, a little sharing, a little protection…

These things happen in our daily lives, perhaps a nice word, perhaps a caring greeting, or a thoughtful gesture; it's about protection, care, and affection.

These small things contain many actions related to love, and they are often reflected in the details of everyday life.

People in love express their love through these small things, confirming that this love is worth pursuing, worth persisting, and worth cherishing.

Conversely,People who don't really love each other will easily hurt the other person through details and small things in daily life.

Or it's easy for the other person to feel that they are not loved, such as a displeased look, an impatient word, an unpleasant criticism, an irresponsible action…

They might also have obvious disapproval, a simple refusal, a flimsy excuse, a day when they don't accompany the other person, a selfish behavior, a harsh word…

These are all behaviors and words that destroy love, and perhaps after these actions, they would apologize and admit their mistakes, start to realize they were wrong.

But their feelings have already been damaged by their unintentional behaviors and words, and these unintentional words and actions are a manifestation of not loving.

But perhaps because of various reasons, they haven't observed and discovered each other's sincerity, and the two people are still together, perhaps taking what they need, or perhaps there is no better alternative.

So they ignore these manifestations of not loving, and continue to do things that unintentionally hurt the other person, saying things that hurt the other person.

They might not think that these small things will affect their feelings, but they don't realize that unintentional discoveries can reveal the true feelings of not loving or not being enough.

You think that loving couples do all these romantic things, do they do something romantic every day? Not, they just treat each other with care and attention, and use gentle words and actions to express themselves.

They don't want to hurt the other person, and they don't want to be angry with the other person, every action they take comes from wanting the other person to be happy and joyful.

They want to take care of, cherish, protect, accompany, encourage the other person, so they do things in daily life that are related to love, gradually accumulating deep and warm feelings, slowly but surely.