Caigen Tan: Mastering the Balance of Goodwill and Authority to Avoid Unintended Consequences
The root of all problems lies in the imbalance of 'favor and authority.' To avoid the consequences of good intentions gone awry, one must grasp the appropriate boundaries when offering goodwill.
In the world, ‘it is difficult for people to do things, but easy for things to be difficult.’ All relationships involve entanglement, and the greatest conflict stems from human nature.
When a person possesses wisdom, they also have their own independent consciousness and emotions. Because everyone's thoughts are influenced by their subjective emotions, deviations in thinking become the source of conflict.
Therefore, when dealing with people, it is wise to balance relationships and resolve conflicts, which is the true wisdom of human interaction.
Feng Menglong once said, ‘Before treacherous peaks and raging waves block the way, everyone is difficult to handle, but I alone take risks. Act with full preparation, appear unexpectedly; be free and flexible, like the butcher’s skill when dissecting oxen.’
This means that when faced with difficult situations, people are generally unable to cope, but when acting, one must fully grasp the action, act unexpectedly, be flexible and capable, like the butcher’s skill when dissecting oxen.
To solve problems, one must grasp the appropriate boundaries, creating a balance between rigor and gentleness, avoiding excessive favor or neglect, this is the wisdom of handling affairs.
As we interact with people, once we get involved in the actual state of ‘favor and authority,’ maintaining balance is reasonable, and when applying strict measures, it prevents others from being angered.
If ‘favor and authority’ are applied inappropriately, without a proper degree, it will be criticized, and the situation will inevitably turn against you.As it is said:
One bushel of rice feeds benevolence, ten bushels feed enmity.
In life, there are many conflicts caused by helping others, which is because the balance between ‘favor and authority’ is not maintained, and the resulting consequences are caused by a lack of boundaries.
The best state of human relationships is from far to near, not suddenly close and then gradually distant, this is a major mistake in human affairs, only by grasping the distance between relationships can we avoid good intentions turning into problems, and prevent our goodwill from becoming the root of conflicts.
When applying ‘authority,’ one must also grasp the boundaries. Some people are too rigid, treating ‘authority’ as a means, even if the intention is good, the result is not only failed, but also due to a lack of boundaries, resulting in the situation being out of control.Sun Jian once participated in Zhang Wen's military planning. Zhang Wen summoned Dong Zhuo with an edict. Dong Zhuo looked at the edict for a long time before speaking, and spoke arrogantly.
At that time, Sun Jian quietly said to Zhang Wen, ‘Dong Zhuo committed a great crime and still dares to speak arrogantly, he must have ulterior motives, he should be punished according to the military law for violating the edict.’
However, Zhang Wen recalled their old relationship and did not punish Dong Zhuo. Later, Dong Zhuo continued to be tyrannical and uncontrollable.
Applying ‘authority’ should be from strict to lenient, not to relax at the beginning, and then to apply ‘authority’ when the situation is out of control, which is too late.
Truly capable people not only possess tenacity but also maintain balance in ‘favor and authority.’ They can find the core of any situation through both rigor and gentleness, this is the core wisdom of handling affairs.
Authored by Guo Xue Shu She.
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