--01--

One day, in the WeChat group that I created for sharing, we were discussing how to change procrastination habits. I actually always thought that a change of mindset should start with an action change to drive it, because changing actions has low barriers, low cost, and through action changes and persistence, it is relatively easier to drive one's mindset and awareness changes.

While we were discussing this intensely, a friend suddenly sent me a message:

Some say, 'My execution is poor, I always procrastinate on everything, why am I never able to achieve anything?'

I replied, 'Your execution isn't bad, you are very efficient at procrastinating, you are very efficient at maintaining your state of being unable to achieve anything. Because that's the state you want: doing nothing and unable to achieve anything. You want to be mediocre, and you're doing it very effectively. It's exactly like this.'

Most people think they haven't lived the life they wanted, but in fact, they already have and are quite skilled at it. They just think their lives could be better, but in reality, the reason they are trapped in their current state is that they subconsciously believe this is the right way to live.

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When I first saw this text, I felt quite strongly about it: besides giving those who want to change a cold shoulder, it didn't offer any substantial value; it was like a bowl of mental sulfuric acid. So, with a sense of justice, I wanted to argue with that friend, but to no avail. Eventually, the other party left a sentence:The truth is often uncomfortable.”

--02--

I remember a colleague I was very annoyed with in my previous work environment. I felt that my values and his were completely different, and I often heard him complaining about his work and the company. Sometimes, he would get very agitated and make noise when he encountered difficulties in his work. This affected my work state, so I argued with him several times. This further made me unbearable.

When I told this to a friend of mine, he thought for a while and said to me:We will inevitably encounter many different people in this world, and it's impossible for us to be the same. What we can control is how we choose to interact with them, which is also a part of our social values.”

--03--

These two days I've been reading a book called 'The Courage of Being Wrong'. Many of the viewpoints in the book challenge our ingrained thinking habits.

Many of us are not good at socializing, and we're normal during the day, but as soon as we encounter a stranger, we don't know where to start. When others ask us why, we always reply with a slightly aggrieved expression: 'I'm so shy and introverted, I'm easily shy when I see strangers. If I didn't have this flaw, I could get along better with people.'

This explanation seems completely reasonable, but the book argues that this is a case of reversing cause and effect. We are not good at socializing because this is the result, not our deep-seated purpose. We do this to make ourselves appear shy, so that we have a reason to be shy.It seems absurd that we would intentionally want to appear shy, doesn't it? Deep down, we all crave recognition from others. Once we have this desire, we're bound to be afraid of not getting recognition no matter what we do. This fear of not being recognized drives our behavior. Imagine if we couldn't get recognition no matter how we try, how would we feel? It would be a very uncomfortable situation. So, we rely on shyness as a lifeline. Instead of risking the possibility that we will never get recognized no matter what we do, we prefer to appear shy when we first meet people, so that whenever we appear shy, we can attribute it to shyness—a perfect excuse.

--04--

Let's go back to the problem of procrastination. We always think we procrastinate because we have a condition called procrastination or 'procrastination cancer.' Once we cure this condition, we will no longer procrastinate anything. However, after reading 'The Courage of Being Wrong', I realized that if I don't change my mindset, procrastination will accompany me throughout my life. Because procrastination is just a reason I give myself to deliberately delay action. Our deep-seated fear is that no matter what we do, we will not get recognition from others, and this makes us look like a person with no ability. It's much easier to accept this reality than to face the cruel fact that we are perceived as incapable by others. And the fact that procrastination and 'procrastination cancer' sound more acceptable to us.

--05--

Let's talk about the relationship with that colleague again. I always felt that I didn't get along well with him because his values were too bizarre and didn't match mine. I ignored the fact that: in this life's big classroom, there's a very important lesson – how to get along with people who are different from you. This is a lesson that everyone has to learn, because no two people are exactly the same, whether it's physique, values, personality or hobbies, but this doesn't give us a reason to give up learning this lesson. His values are weird because I don't want to get along with him properly. I just didn't have the courage to take on the feeling of frustration that comes from trying to get along with him and failing to meet my expectations.

06

Change really starts with truly recognizing the root cause. When we've truly recognized the root cause of why we don't want to change, and I've also realized why I'm so shy when meeting strangers, and why I'm so nervous when giving public speeches, until my hands tremble.

Small Qi proposed three points for reference

1. Change your thinking, stop complaining, start introspection

Complaining is easy, but it doesn't have any effect. Instead of complaining endlessly, we should take a moment to think about whether our complaints really hinder our changes, or whether we are simply using them as a reason to hide our unwillingness to change. If we can truly dig out these deep-seated reasons, we're truly ready to change our minds.

2. Record your fears in a 'fear vault'

This method was seen in the book 'Your Life Has No Limits' by Small 7. In the previous method, we've deeply dug out our deep-seated fears, which are often the points we fear most. Whether it's fear of not getting recognition or fear of always falling short of expectations, we can record these fears in writing and put the paper in a 'fear vault' to use the ritualistic effect to tell ourselves: 'I've already stored my fears, and now I need to forget them and dare to take action.' When we finish the things we want to do, we can take out the fear list again and maybe we'll find that many of the things we were afraid of didn't actually happen.'

3. Break down specific actions, starting with the first step

Change is never easy, even if we've changed our mindset. So, give yourself some patience and confidence, and start taking action—it's more important than whether the action is good or bad. To form a habit of running every morning, the first day, try to put on your running shoes and running clothes by the bed; when we want to form a habit of waking up at 5 o'clock in the morning, the first day, we can do what we like most to wake up at 5 o'clock, such as playing games.

End

Change is really difficult. Can you imagine how many people can truly find the root cause of why they don't want to change? Even if we find it, it's still difficult to take action to change, which may mean we'll lose the recognition of some people, and we'll have to face the cruel reality that we are perceived as incapable, and we may even give up something we value very much – security. Li Cai in his latest sharing about financial freedom also mentioned that if we pursue 100% security, we will definitely be trapped in the present, and only when we abandon a part of our security can we truly observe and think deeply.