Allow Yourself to Be Yourself: Learning to Truly Express Yourself in Intimate Relationships

Today is February 23, 2020, the 23rd day of her daily original writing.

Love is undoubtedly the most beautiful emotion in the world. We all believe that almost everyone wants to have a genuine and everlasting love, a sweet and long-lasting intimacy.

However, there are always unforeseen difficulties in life, and love is often the most difficult to achieve. Just like a song says: 'The people who love me will never regret, but I cry and break my heart for the one who loves me.' Similar 'mismatched' love stories are indeed common in reality.

'There are many single people, and not many are happy.' Compared to these heartbreaking 'misses', if two people have already entered a close relationship, it is undoubtedly a lucky thing. And when you really enter a close relationship, the real test begins.

Close relationships are the best training ground for personal cultivation. If we maintain awareness (be aware of ourselves) in close relationships, see our own thoughts and emotions, see our own behavioral responses. We can constantly grow. Thus, we can break free from restrictive patterns that bind us, become more relaxed and live our true selves

A close relationship is like a mirror, which can clearly reflect ourselves. Through intimate interactions with our partner, we can better see our inner desires. In fact, when we choose a partner, our subconscious is already looking for someone who thinks can satisfy our inner desires.

For example, some people might choose a wealthy or powerful person as their partner if they lack confidence in themselves and their abilities. Those who hope to be cared for and nurtured might choose a sensitive and considerate boyfriend or a woman with maternal qualities.

The essence of a close relationship is a mutually beneficial relationship. When we know what we want and know what the other person wants, the interaction between the two people will become simpler and clearer. Happiness and longevity become more likely to be achieved this way.

However, many people are unwilling to express their desires. Even they lack the courage to uphold their own opinions. If you enter a close relationship with such a state, your close relationship is bound to be difficult and chaotic.

After years of observation and research, I found that most people are insecure. This is reflected in close relationships, where they feel they are not lovable, unworthy of love.

In a close relationship, when they have inner desires and needs, they usually don't dare to say them directly. Subconsciously, their sense of self-worth is not enough, they think they don't deserve it. They are afraid of being rejected. People who have experienced rejection and pain in their childhood tend to have this feeling.

Many people who have achieved outstanding achievements in their careers will feel insecure when they enter a close relationship. They think that only if they are good enough and do enough, they have the right to be loved. In fact, love and being loved have nothing to do with being good or outstanding.

I often observe my cat, Dandan. Dandan was picked up from a green field in the district when she was two months old. She dragged a wounded tail to my home, and after improper handling (taking a bath too early), she had low blood sugar and almost died. I saved her with three injections at the pet hospital.

She relied on a strong sense of self-worth to completely conquer me with her docile, cute and lively demeanor, willingly becoming my 'baby'. She didn't need to do anything, but she lived happily and freely.

I use the example of cats to inspire me because her behavior has completely overturned my emotional pattern. In my past understanding, only if I am good enough, what I do is good enough, I have the right to have love.

Ironically, because of my wrong cognition, I desperately proved myself to be outstanding in my past emotional relationships, proving that I am better than my partner, which resulted in my partner being unhappy. Such a relationship quickly turned into a competitive relationship, which then evolved into an attacking relationship, and finally the relationship broke up.

It's important to be yourself in a close relationship. The prerequisite is that you first allow yourself to be yourself. Everyone has different needs, some are material, some are spiritual, some are physiological, and some are emotional and mental.

Whatever the need, as long as it's not too excessive, it can be satisfied in a close relationship. If a person truly loves you and cares about you, he will listen to your needs and be willing to meet your needs. And you should be the same.

We can imagine, if you don't allow yourself to be yourself, you won't be satisfied, you won't have a true feeling of being loved. If the other person doesn't allow himself to be himself, he won't be satisfied either. Then how can such a close relationship be long and sweet?

A truly good close relationship is always mutually fulfilling. To achieve mutual fulfillment, both parties must allow themselves to express themselves truly, without suppressing themselves or controlling the other person.

In addition to allowing yourself to express yourself truly, the way of expression is also important. There are three key points:

1, believe you are lovable. Believe you deserve to be satisfied and loved.

2, believe that the other person loves you, believe that the other person has the intention and ability to meet your needs.

3, always be grateful for your relationship. Don't express your requirements in a blaming and complaining way. Always cherish the other person. If the other person fulfills your needs, express your gratitude. If the other person doesn't fulfill your needs, learn to fulfill yourself. If you break through your basic requirements, and the other person doesn't or doesn't want to fulfill them, we always have the freedom to choose again.

If a person can't be themselves in a close relationship, not only won't it nourish your life, but it will also make your life energy decline, and even lead to exhaustion.

Allow yourself to be yourself, you can live out your personality, live out your brilliance, and live out your life's style. Let this world be enriched because of you, let you be beautiful, and let the people around you be happy.