Have You Ever Hated Someone? The Kind That Makes You Grind Your Teeth
If this topic were posed as a discussion to everyone, everyone would undoubtedly have a lot to say. We can list a huge pile of people we dislike, after all, disliking others doesn't cost money.
For me, I find that watching TV can always see some particularly disliked characters, such as Su Daqiang from 'Together It's Good'. His incompetence, weakness, and later stubbornness and vanity are all worth sighing about. Of course, I also understand that character shaping requires this, the more you make people dislike a character, the more successful the character is. So I couldn't help but feel fortunate that there weren't such weird people in my life, and in fact, in work and life, many people encounter all kinds of weirdos, right?
So today, let's chat about how to face people who make you dislike them in work and life.
1. The Abundance of Disliked People.Disliking someone has many reasons, but in general, it boils down to being at odds with their interests, needs, and values. For example, we dislike someone who is opportunistic and flattering, often because they make us feel like we're naive and foolish (interests are damaged), or because we think they're foolish (shallow values differ). We dislike someone who is overly calculating, often because their smallness is in contrast to our generosity (interests are damaged), or simply because it makes us uncomfortable (shallow values differ).
2. From a Psychological Perspective, the Reasons Behind Disliking Someone.
From a psychological point of view, disliking someone often refers to disliking the qualities a person embodies. Disliking is about rejection, so in general, it's about rejecting someone's qualities.
The Freudian school of psychology uses the term 'projection' to simply explain that what you see are what you have within yourself (similar to looking in a mirror).
Careful readers will find that rejection is an active behavior, unrelated to others. We reject others' qualities because they make us see what we ourselves don't accept. This quality is precisely what we don't accept, so disliking someone is merely a mirror reflecting the parts of ourselves we haven't yet accepted (shadows or complexes). Therefore, the more people we dislike, the lower our acceptance of ourselves.
3. From a Psychological Perspective, How to Face People You Dislike.
(1) Self-Awareness. What do you hate about him? Is it not everyone who hates him? Generally speaking, not everyone hates him. If he were, he wouldn't live so long to make you hate him. Therefore, what we dislike about that person is not something that everyone dislikes; our evaluation of that person is also subjective and contains our projections. He is simply a mirror that reflects the parts of ourselves we haven't yet accepted. When we dislike petty people, we dislike opportunistic people, and we dislike selfish people, it's because we're afraid to see these qualities in ourselves, so starting now, we need to be aware of the projection behind our dislike.
(2) Growth Yourself
After knowing that disliking others is a projection of our shadows, the next step is to deal with this unaccepted shadow. We can try to put the characteristics of the person we dislike onto ourselves, for example, if you dislike petty people, you can replace it with 'I am a petty person', and you will find an inner resistance and rejection, feeling unwilling to accept it, and further analysis or asking around by friends, you will find that being petty is indeed one of our qualities. And we need to accept it.
(3) From Psychological Gratitude for Letting You See Your Deficiencies.
Life is a continuous process of leveling up. When you encounter someone who makes you dislike them, that's when you encounter a powerful boss that needs to be upgraded. So, cherish it. When we successfully defeated this boss and experienced this, we will find it no longer makes us dislike it, he is still the same, but you have become more powerful and tolerant. You will find that he is not so annoying, even interesting. That's the meaning of Confucius's 'A gentleman is serene and upright, while petty people are often agitated'.
