When Your Child Says ‘Mom, I’m Scared,’ Your Response Matters
When facing a child's fear or anxiety, we should stand firmly behind the child, accepting the child's negative emotions.
--Qing Huan
A few days ago, when Xiao Xiao Yu said to me before going to bed, "Dad, sometimes when I wake up at night, I feel scared."
"What are you afraid of? Don't be afraid at home, Dad and Mom will always be by your side."
"For example, that alien box you mentioned."
I heard this and smiled, then took a sweep of the room, and didn't see it.
I thought the child was referring to the feelings he had seen before.
Unexpectedly, he said it again the next day.
This time, I looked in the same direction as his gaze, and I didn't realize the box was under his desk, in the corner there, in a hidden way.
A one-eyed alien is grinning and sticking out his tongue.
I used to think it was a little cute.
But suddenly, it was actually a little 'scary'!
I quickly took it away and put it in a place he couldn't see, with the pattern facing the wall.
We all have things we are afraid of.
Children are no exception.
When a child says they are afraid,
We must never discourage or ridicule the child.
Because they need parents to accept and guide them.
How should we do this?
Today's incoming letter from this mother may give us the answer.
"Yesterday, when I was reading a storybook to my girl, she didn't react at all, staring at the window with two big, round eyes, looking dazed. When I asked her what she was looking at, she said, 'Mom, I'm scared' while clinging to me. I carefully observed her reaction and noticed that she was holding on to me tightly."
I carefully looked and thought it was the curtains weren't pulled back, because there was a slit in the curtains, so I pulled the curtains again.
Soon after, the child asked me again, 'Mom, are there monsters outside?' I replied, 'No, our house is on the 28th floor, even if there are monsters, they can't get in.' But the child was still scared and cried, shouting for me to stay with him, repeating 'Mom, I'm scared' repeatedly, not even letting the bedside lamp go out…"
Friend Xiao Nan said to me a few days ago that her daughter asked her to 'stay with her' at night, and she was still racking her brain, she couldn't understand what her three-year-old daughter was afraid of, even though the curtains were pulled back and she clearly told her that there were no monsters outside, why was the child still afraid?
In real life, many mothers have the same experience as Xiao Nan – even if we explain and comfort the child, why does the child still feel afraid? Mothers don't understand what's going on in their children's little brains, and they don't know what they're afraid of, and they don't know what they're afraid of…
Where did the child's fear come from?
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
The origin of a child's fear is actually mainly influenced by two aspects –
First, the influence of collective subconsciousness.
As stated in the book 'Child Emotional Psychology': 'When we encounter others' pain, we often rush to offer advice, comfort, or express our attitude and feelings. However, listening means fully understanding others' pain – this creates conditions for them to fully express their pain.'
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
For example, when I read a picture book to my son, 'Hospital is not a scary place'.
The storybook tells the story of a boy named Harry who was sick and had to go to the hospital for a drip and spend the night.
Like Xiao Haili, children often have various fears besides the first time they are hospitalized, such as fear of unfamiliar animals, fear of sudden sounds, fear of lightning and thunder, fear of the dark, and fear of strangers. For children, everything unknown or unfamiliar will make them feel uneasy, and they will be afraid because they don't know how to respond.
Secondly, our brains are different from animals, and they are also influenced by social environment and cultural language. This part of the fear is 'learned' later.
For example, when watching TV programs, if the characters in the show have fearful eyes and expressions, or if there are sudden dangerous scenes, children will be sensitive to 'danger' and develop fear.
Some adults scare children to make them go to sleep: 'If you don't be obedient and go to sleep, the police will come and catch you, and the monsters outside will eat you.' Children will also develop fear under such 'warnings'.
At the same time, children's experiences will also lead to 'learned fear'.
Once, when my son was four years old, I was eating fish with him. Because I didn't remove all the fish bones, he got stuck in his throat when he ate fish. He was so scared that he wailed. Fortunately, the doctor took out the fish bones with anesthesia later, even though it was only a hair-like thread. But after a long time, my son was still afraid of eating fish.
Because a child experienced a small 'trauma', he will be afraid to repeat the same negative feelings.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
When a child says they are afraid, it's because we don't understand it.
A child's fear is a psychological fear, which is a common emotion. Research shows that 90% of children experience fear reactions at some stage of development.
