If you haven't had screaming matches with your parents before 30, you'll likely have a difficult life.
Those who do good for you
Mr. Zhong Chunshu once said: if a person hasn't been crazy at 20, that person has no prospects; if a person hasn't been crazy at 30, that person also has no prospects. My cousin is 20 now, he's not crazy, just very unrestrained, a 'contemporary young man with wine and leisure', but you can't judge his lack of prospects based on this alone.
My cousin dropped out of junior high school. In fact, he could study well, but he was a mess when he was in eighth grade, his father scolded him fiercely, saying he had wasted a lot of money, and he didn't know where the money went or what it was used for. His father thought he had worked so hard to earn money for his son's schooling, and he was wasted, so he simply scolded him for wasting money. My cousin didn't like being scolded, he felt that he hadn't spent much of his father's money, and his father insisted on calculating everything meticulously in the family, like gambling, so he didn't study, and he didn't study.
Without studying, my cousin has been in society for six or seven years, working in various jobs. People say there are 36 trades, and every trade can be a first-class talent, but in every trade, it's hard to make a fortune. My cousin's job is always a revolving door, not because he can't do it, but because the wages and benefits are low, and he's frustrated by being treated unfairly. He keeps changing jobs in the hope of finding a suitable job.
Young people, living in society is a matter of being unrestrained. My cousin earns little, and he posts pictures of late-night snacks, trendy clothes, watches, and new hairstyles on his, which shows that he's living in the moment and enjoying himself. Young people like him can afford to live this way, and there are many of them. How many young people are willing to save money and live a frugal life to marry a wife?
So he lived like this for four or five years, with no savings in his account. Unsuspecting passersby, seeing his stylish and fashionable clothing and accessories, his iPhone, and his designer cigarettes, thought he must have a good job and earn a decent income. Only we, his brothers and sisters, knew that maintaining his outward appearance was not easy, everyone's life is different, and no one can criticize him.
Last year, my cousin had a girlfriend, and his friends were full of pictures of them being affectionate. Relatives and friends praised him, 'This kid is quite capable, he found a beautiful girlfriend!' My cousin didn't respond to the compliments, he was busy earning money every day to provide the best for his little princess. He would often take his girlfriend to eat steak, watch movies, and buy new clothes, and it was already difficult for him to make ends meet, let alone buy new clothes for his girlfriend. He realized that the purpose of having a girlfriend is to support her, and if his money is not enough, he would borrow money to satisfy his girlfriend. He borrowed money from his father and his brother to run this difficult love.
Later, the happy pictures in his became fewer and fewer, and finally disappeared, replaced by pictures of heartbreak and sad sentences. I vaguely guessed that they had broken up. After the New Year's reunion dinner, the elders asked, and sure enough, it was so. So the elders began to scold and teach, saying that my cousin was too stupid, he wasted all his hard-earned money, and he scolded him for having bad eyesight; they scolded his girlfriend for being materialistic and treating love as a plaything. Then they sighed and lamented the difficulty of earning money and the difficulty of love and marriage.
My cousin is more open-minded, he said that if his girlfriend is gone, he can find another one, and he calmly refuted the elders. The elders' judgment of a girl is based on whether she can marry a son. My cousin only cared about the good times and the gentle moments he had with her.
Initially, the conversation, which was going back and forth in a relaxed manner, unexpectedly sparked a storm. Mr. Zhong Chunshu couldn't resist and inevitably talked about how my cousin had borrowed money from him and spent it without saving. This immediately angered my cousin, and his emotions erupted like a volcano, spewing a barrage of words like a machine gun. My cousin clearly told his father that he had borrowed money, but Mr. Zhong Chunshu kept repeating that he had wasted a lot of money on my cousin, which made my cousin extremely annoyed, and he didn't care about his father-son relationship, and he just wanted to let it out.
The conversation ended with my cousin and Mr. Zhong Chunshu agreeing to no longer interfere with each other. Afterwards, the elders first politely criticized my cousin for being too impulsive and said that fathers always do things for their children's good, and then they gave my cousin some advice about his career and love life. My cousin remained silent, I'm a year older than him, and we share similar values and lifestyles: our parents stop caring about us when we grow up, let us live freely, don't treat us like children, and don't tell us how to live.
I hate the 'for your own good' words in adults' mouths; it's a form of mental abuse and moral coercion. Who are we to listen to? We know how to live our lives and when to make choices. Parents always impose their own ideas on us, believing that they know what's best for us, and they don't ask us if we want it. If we don't want to live in their mouths, it's useless to say it, because traditional Chinese culture is deeply rooted, and it emphasizes virtue, family, and country, and completing the first two is considered meritorious. There's a huge gap in thinking between parents and children, and it's difficult to bridge the gap.
People should first be individuals, and then belong to society. Every individual has their own legal rights and freedoms. Most young people are oppressed because they don't know when to get married, don't want to get married, and don't want to start a family and build a career. These young people should have the freedom to choose, but their parents see this as a violation of tradition and filial piety.
Education and ideas are at the same level, and families with similar backgrounds are rare. Most ordinary families have only arguments, and older children who have no voice are either forced to endure and live a humble and subservient life 'out of filial piety' or live their own way, 'going against the grain' and achieving success, then they reconcile with their parents.
On one path, you become stubborn and break up with your parents. Eventually, you achieve success and reconcile with your parents, or you continue to be stubborn. There are countless examples of this. When making choices in life, we and our parents are often in opposition. If we make a choice, we either feel miserable and comply with our parents, or we persevere and make our parents unhappy. The scale of life is constantly adjusting between parents and children, seeking the greatest balance.
I just want to live a comfortable and happy life, even if it's simple and frugal.
In the foreseeable future, I may inevitably have a fierce argument with my parents, and then I will leave and fly away, regretful and weeping, or raising a glass to mourn, surrounded by smoke and mist.
