Mountains and Streams Fade, Half a Life Passes – A Reflection on Time and Perseverance
This unexpected holiday extension has given us more free time and more opportunities to spend time with family and children. Besides completing 'homemaker' tasks and fulfilling the responsibilities of a housewife, I still read every day and write an average of three thousand words.
Regardless of the click-through rate, regardless of whether anyone pays attention to my reading, I will do my best to write each article well. I hope that every piece of my writing has my own thinking and attitude. And when a different inspiration suddenly arises in my heart, I will be particularly happy and excited, forgetting the difficulty of thinking and the hardship of writing.
This has been the case for more than ten years, almost every day.
No one supervises me, no one forces me. I'm in my fifties (almost old), I have everything I need, I'm doing well at work, although I have no hope of promotion, but I'm always full of leeway; my children have grown up, my son is not as outstanding as others' children, but he is obedient and sensible, letting me feel at ease;
Looking around at my peers, they are eating, drinking, and playing, enjoying a peaceful old age, pursuing a refined life. Almost only me is still so hardworking and diligent, so willing to suffer;
I can't find any companions, I am incredibly lonely and desolate.
However, I will.
Because this hard-working period has calmed my heart and mind; this continuously thinking and growing life has strengthened my inner self.
Calm and composed means, no matter how noisy and bustling the outside world is, or how tense and frightening, I walk at my own pace, and I can form my own judgments and choices.
Inner strength means, seeing the white hair spreading across my face in the mirror, I feel it's a reward from life; when I encounter readers who criticize my articles, I laugh it off; when I encounter people at work who are deliberately difficult, I say I haven't argued with anyone for a long time, I'm quite annoyed. Come on, let's argue!
When I was young, I was particularly self-conscious. Not pretty enough, not outgoing enough, not sophisticated enough, not wealthy enough, not as capable at work as others… Often, a word or a look from someone would make me guess in my heart; even a minor mistake would make me worry for a long time; I would gratefully accept even a kind gesture from others. Back then, I always tried to please others, I always strived to make everything perfect, but I couldn't, and I became more and more anxious and hesitant, more and more preoccupied and distracted. Self-doubt filled my heart with doubt about myself, leaving unspoken sadness and regret. Later, after divorce, I became a single mother, people in my family and friends felt sorry for me and pitied me, and colleagues even looked down on me; the self-doubt was even more oppressive, almost to the point of collapse.
Time has passed, I have finally walked out of the cramped mind and body. Reading has given me more cultural depth, experiences have given me richer and more vivid insights into life, I have finally learned to accept myself and appreciate myself, of course, I also desperately want to prove myself.A woman must be confident, confident women are the most beautiful.Therefore, I began to deliberately cultivate my temperament, striving for elegance and dignity in every glance and smile, striving to maintain composure and composure in every action, deliberately pursuing elegant and fashionable tastes; I earnestly strengthened my aura, often pretending to be proud and successful; I felt that I was already confident, confidence made me shine with the most beautiful light of my life, but it also made me often tired.
Time flows, I have finally entered the post-middle age. My beautiful face has lost its luster, but I no longer care. Time has taken away my anxiety and vanity, experience has given me a rich and vivid heart, time has precipitated my temperament and my mind. Looking back, although the mountain is still the same mountain, the water is still the same water, people are still the same people, but I suddenly had a realization. I finally smiled and said goodbye to self-doubt, let go of deliberate confidence, and began to have the awareness of life.
Conscious to love, conscious to be grateful, conscious to cherish, conscious to tolerate, conscious to strive…
I no longer pay attention to the gazes of others, I no longer try to adorn myself, I'm not afraid of being lonely and desolate, and I don't care about other people's evaluations. I work hard every day, living an ordinary but lively life; I treat everyone and everything in life with sincere and genuine attitudes, even in difficult and troubled times, I can write poetry and paint pictures.
Let go of the vanity that binds the heart, face the years of being wronged and hurt, I look at the vastness of history and the petty grievances of individuals, understanding the changes of the times, and the people's nature. I voluntarily and consciously strive and pursue and grow, and I also feel joy when things go well, and I feel pity when things are not going well, but I always remain steadfast and happy on the road to gradually aging and declining.
Mountain after mountain, water after water, it's a long life of half a lifetime. Fate is not good, life is not regret.
