When Facing Betrayal in Love, the Biggest Fear is Attachment

Author: Ai Wen (Emotional Self-Media Person)

Many people, when facing a marriage and relationship, even if the other party deeply hurts themselves, even if they live in a very humble position in this relationship, they still don't want to end it, unable to leave.

People say that this is a manifestation of excessive emotional dependence, a result of lacking independent personality – this is just one interpretation. But in fact, for some people, the reason they can't let go, can't put down, can't stay with, and can't leave, is because they don't want to admit that this marriage or relationship has failed, because once you choose to let go, it means: your love in the past was wrong.

This is a subconscious psychology, and this subconscious psychology will, when you encounter trauma in your emotions and are at a crossroads, become the last medicine to comfort yourself and make a choice.I must persevere, or I would be completely denying the past.

Relationships are like a bet, a certain extent, there is no reason and logic, everyone chooses who, too much randomness, and initially based on good feelings, what we often say 'feeling' – no one's relationship is carefully calculated and then confirmed to be their chosen object, a trustworthy person for a lifetime. Even if it is determined at the moment, human hearts can change, may completely overturn your previous judgment.

So, when facing emotions, the best attitude is 'dare to lose', when a relationship brings you pain, and the person you choose ultimately hurts you, you must learn to 'accept defeat', this is to stop the loss, and also a kind of wisdom in life.

And 'wisdom' is the opposite of 'madness' – or what is called 'attachment'.

Behind the attachment is the struggle with fate and the struggle with oneself.

Why do you have a feeling of unwilling to accept, unwilling to let go, don't want to leave, because of people's instinctive aversion to accepting their own failure.

Emotions are the same, when facing the other party's hurt, as long as life exists, there is a possibility that the other party will suddenly awaken and realize, and regret – so many people put their hopes on this, the underlying premise is: as long as I persevere, I might be able to prove that my choice was ultimately right!

And this is attachment, you have to build your future life on a 'small probability'.

This is a typical 'dare not lose' performance in emotions, just like a person loses in a casino, he continues to double the chips, must turn the profit or even win; the chips in the casino are money, if there is no money, he will not continue to play – emotions are like this, the chips are your life, health, etc. Currently, it is infinite, so the final result is probably only when health is damaged and life is threatened, you will wake up and regret.

Don't expect the person who hurts you to have a realization, if you, a human being, can have a realization, it is already a great blessing in life; if you are obsessed with it and don't realize it, how can you expect others to realize it?

'Stubbornly' in a relationship will inevitably make you live in this relationship in a humble way, so you can easily see many people who live very humbly in the emotional world, including many celebrities, those we think have the conditions to leave – but they don't, we think they are pitiful, but they are also stubborn – even if everyone thinks they are in a loser position, they will cherish the loser, because this is their choice.

They look forward to the short-term future, through their own efforts or fate's favor, to reshape this pile of garbage into that big hero who saves them; of course, this is a fantasy, so emotional people who are stubborn are also typical emotional idealists, their hearts are always childish and weak, they are always weaving a fairy tale like a big child. So, they are actually insecure, they desperately want someone to be like an adult to protect and care for them, so they face emotions, they are unwilling to give up, unwilling to leave, afraid of completely losing dependence –

And this dependence is already not dependence, but harm.

One of the important differences between maturity and immaturity is the ability to distinguish reality.So, what is reality?