First Me, Then Us
When you choose to rely on others, it's very easy to lose everything. When you choose to be independent, you will gain the whole world. Being beautiful and busy is a spirit of independence, it's about cultivating both inner and outer beauty. Even if work is tiring, you should live beautifully. This beauty is not for others, but for yourself.
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1
In love, you must first have 'I' before 'we'.
I need to have myself, not to rely on anyone, not to be a vine. But it's not about being solely myself, I must not take the lead in any emotional relationship. Good love is always mutual respect and love.
2
I have a friend who interned at a kindergarten. She is very beautiful and has a gentle and outgoing personality, like a little fairy. Maybe this is the standard for every kindergarten teacher. We don't often see each other, but we often contact each other.
She had a boyfriend, and at first, she always shares her happiness with me, telling me how happy she is. Later, she quit her job at the kindergarten and moved to Beijing with her boyfriend. She told me it was very tiring, but she was still very happy.
Slowly, we lost contact until one night she called me and asked if I could pick her up at the station. When we got to the station, I almost didn't recognize her, she had changed so much. Her pale face was full of fatigue and embarrassment, and she no longer had the smile she used to have.
Back home, she told me she broke up with him, and she cried even more sadly.
Through her fragmented narration, I realized that it was because her boyfriend looked down on her for not wearing makeup and being plain-faced, and he thought it was embarrassing for her to be seen by others. He also resented her for only staying at home and doing housework, like a housewife.
The friend said she didn't wear makeup because she saved the money for cosmetics to give to her boyfriend, thinking he needed it for business occasions to impress his colleagues, so she wanted to make him look good in front of his superiors.
Not going to work was because she decided to look for a job in Beijing at first, and her boyfriend angrily refused her. She later occasionally mentioned it, but her boyfriend was always angry. She was just a joke for others to talk about. The so-called great behavior of sacrificing dignity for love quickly became a joke for others to talk about.
Many people believe that when you love someone, you should give them the best of yourself. You should care about them without reservation, and pay attention to every move they make.
But when you really do this, you'll find that you're the most tired. He'll think it's his due, and you'll be exhausted.
This result completely deviates from your original intention. You just want him to feel your love, not to lose yourself for his love.
Now there's a phenomenon that some people find partners because they want their parents to treat them unconditionally, hoping that their partners will love and cherish them like parents.
3
But have you forgotten that parents' love is unconditional, while a boyfriend's love is not.
If you bind yourself too tightly to your partner, the relationship will be unbalanced, and you'll always feel you're being favored. Your joy and confidence if obtained from others will mean you've lost yourself.
The moon has its phases, people have joys and sorrows, life has changes, and years have four seasons. Only yourself can always be yourself. Besides yourself, no one can guarantee that you will always be loved.
I always believe in what's written in the book: you are precious, you should know how to accept yourself unconditionally. You don't need to become a better version of yourself, you just need to be a better version of yourself.
