Woman's Emotions: Turning a Man into the Whole World
I just need to say a few words to others, and you'll be jealous;
I'm sorry, I realize I've fallen for her.
I don't love you, although I know you love me, I've decided to leave you;
…
If one day you hear someone you love say something like this, will you feel overwhelmed with pain and unable to accept it for a period of time?
Most people's pain comes from this inability to accept separation and inability to deal with anxiety. We find it hard to accept that the people we love may love others, because they don't possess the ability to allow the people they love to love others.
Today we're going to share with you:
- Why do you react when your same-sex friends are jealous?
- Why do you have trouble with your mother-in-law?
- Why do you want to leave when you and your best friend are together, and another person appears?
- When your boyfriend says he's breaking up with you and likes someone else, you'll feel excruciating pain and unable to get over it.
The relationship between Mr. and Ms. Xiao Wei began as colleagues. Mr. Xiao Wei was one year younger than Ms. Xiao Wei, with a delicate appearance and the ability to sing and play the guitar. They belonged to the ‘literary young artist’ group.
Mr. Xiao Wei is very considerate, and Ms. Xiao Wei likes this feeling of being cared for, so the two quickly got together.
They are working in the same unit, and every year they receive many internship students from universities.
Ms. Xiao Wei thinks her boyfriend is a very attractive person.…Ms. Xiao Wei is very insecure and hates to be constantly with Mr. Xiao Wei. When Mr. Xiao Wei is away or doesn't reply to her messages, Ms. Xiao Wei will become very anxious and keep calling and texting him. She's afraid of losing this relationship.When Mr. Xiao Wei doesn't reply immediately, she will angrily scold him.
With prolonged indulgence, Mr. Xiao Wei felt unable to accept this feeling of being controlled, and he eventually broke up with her.But Ms. Xiao Wei was afraid of losing Mr. Xiao Wei,
In her view, losing him is like losing the whole world. Ms. Xiao Wei was afraid of the end, and she even proposed to do something bad to Mr. Xiao Wei if he left her. Of course, Mr. Xiao Wei didn’t agree.
For Ms. Xiao Wei, it was impossible for her to accept that he didn’t love her, impossible for her to accept that he loved someone else, or that she couldn’t give up this relationship.Ms. Xiao Wei has merged with Mr. Xiao Wei’s world, and he must be consistent with her, he must be within her control, he must meet her needs. At this moment, she cannot allow him to grow and cannot accept that he loves someone else or has a relationship with someone else.
Therefore, Mr. Xiao Wei, even if he develops a normal relationship with someone else, even if he gets close to a female colleague, Ms. Xiao Wei will still be jealous. Ms. Xiao Wei wants Mr. Xiao Wei to be only with her, and she believes that only then will she be safe. This is the problem.
The result of this story can only be Ms. Xiao Wei's growing control leading Mr. Xiao Wei further away, but when Mr. Xiao Wei really wanted to leave, Ms. Xiao Wei couldn’t face it.
There were already problems in their daily lives:
Besides their relationship, Mr. Xiao Wei also had a with other people.
You need to understand the relationship between your parents, and objectify it to some extent.
Your feelings are different from theirs, and you don't necessarily have to use their methods to love.
It's important to respect and accept their feelings.You need to understand that their marriage has a different impact on you.
You won't necessarily become like them.
You have your own world, and they have their own world.
You need to recognize that their lives have their unique developments, and they used the ways they wanted to love. They did this as a result, not to prevent you from loving others or from accepting that someone you love loves someone else.
So, we need to minimize the impact of their marriage on us. We need to respect and accept, and internally allow some of their feelings. This will reduce their influence on us.
4. Discover Exceptions
We can discover exceptions in life.For example, there was once a time when you and the others played together, and that time you performed well. You can reflect on how you did it.
Or, you have experienced a breakup in the past, but you still came through.Or, you have a close relationship with your mother, and you were able to leave her when you went to university. This is also something you can draw on.
We can use the experience of successful exceptions to help us face future events.
5. Increase Your Support System
If you are in a romantic relationship now, or you have a close relationship with your friends,You can try to gradually expand your relationship to include others.For example, when you and your friends are playing together, invite another friend to join you; or you can introduce one of your friends to your boyfriend; or you and your boyfriend can play with a couple together.From a psychological perspective, this is called ‘desensitization’, which means gradually trying to enter a more diverse relationship.However, the most important thing is to accept that someone you love will eventually love someone else. It is not about hurting you and your boyfriend's relationship, but rather about expanding your thinking.
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