24 Classic Quotes of Nonviolent Communication: The Core of Anger Is Unmet Needs
1. If you're truly considering a miserable life, compare yourself to others.
2. Most violence stems from people ignoring each other's feelings and needs, attributing conflict to others.
3. We may not think our way of speaking is violent, but our language often causes pain to ourselves and others.
4. Criticism often carries expectations. Criticism of others is actually a reflection of our unmet needs.
5. Learn to express your feelings instead of letting others guess. With the fast pace of society, people are busy managing their lives and don’t have much time to consider your feelings. Therefore, it’s important to clearly and specifically state your feelings.
6. The core of all anger is unmet needs.
7. The more you pay attention to your inner voice, the better you can hear others’ voices.
8. Showing weakness in communication can achieve the effect of softness over strength, and retreat over advance.
9. We tend to judge others from a moral high ground, but morality is primarily for self-discipline, not for imposing on others.
10. Nonviolent Communication’s four elements: 1. Observation; 2. Feelings; 3. Needs; 4. Requests.
11. Showing weakness helps resolve conflict; it’s not a lack of courage, but a communication strategy.
12. Unjudgmental observation is the highest form of human wisdom.
13. For happiness, you must put aside ‘how others see me.’
14. If we think we ‘should’ be a certain way, we often close ourselves off. Because ‘should’ means no choice for us. This makes us feel helpless and frustrated, and we’re unwilling to yield.
15. True listening is letting go of your own thoughts and judgments, and wholeheartedly experiencing what others are saying.
16. When you hear criticism, learn to first observe and feel the needs reflected in the speaker’s language or body, and then think about your own needs. This will make your thinking clearer, and then you can communicate effectively.
17. Never use words like ‘but’, ‘however’, ‘still’ when someone is angry.
18. Instead of punishing someone, ask, ‘What reason do I want him to do what I want him to do?’ You’ll find that punishment is often ineffective.
19. Nonviolent Communication guides us to change our way of talking and listening. We no longer react instinctively, but consciously observe, feel, and express our desires. We are honest and clear in expressing ourselves, and we respect and listen to others.
20. An overly moralized society is dangerous. Often, moral judgment itself is a form of violence.
21. Instead of punishing someone, ask, ‘What reason do I want him to do what I want him to do?’ You’ll find that punishment is often ineffective.
22. Turn your dream world into reality through your actions. I believe that unless we start ourselves, our dreams won’t come true. Unfortunately, we always hope others will start the change.
23. A certain idea and method are useful here because we believe in them.
24. Listening is understanding plus feedback, not interpretation. Understanding has three levels: meaning, intent, or purpose, and the person (feelings and needs).
