Many Families Lose Because They Don't Know How to Argue

✎Bringing up old grudges

People often say that the past is the past, and it shouldn't be mentioned again, while bringing up old grudges is like listing all the mistakes the other person made in the past:

'When you were first married, you already had this habit!'

'What about that female colleague you had last time? Are you still in contact with her?'

'You remember what happened last time! You don't forget, do you?'

...,

Bringing up old grudges may initially make the other person feel guilty or remorseful, but over time, it can turn into being furious and impatient.

✎Cold Warfare

In love, arguing is not scary, what is scary is not saying anything.

Some couples, if they go on a cold war for half a month, they treat each other as strangers, and the marriage ends without knowing it.

Disputes are also a kind of grinding, people get to know each other more and more, and know each other's bottom line, while cold warfare is justdarkening the waters, and the problem is not solved, and the feelings and patience of each other are worn out.

✎Saying harsh words

Host said in 'Super Speaker' once: 'I've said the most hurtful words in my life, and I've always said them to the people I love most.'

Once, she said harsh words to her husband during a quarrel:'Don't you know you were married before? You're not worthy of me.'

Her husband was stunned, then turned and quietly packed his luggage. Before leaving, he said: 'Some words cannot be said, do you know?'

The term 'harsh words' often comes from impulsive outbursts when angry, but this most vicious language, once spoken, is difficult to take back, and the damage it causes is hard to erase.

Besides, hurtful ways of arguing include violence, accusations, mutual criticism, personal attacks, no matter which way, once spoken, it's like a knife cutting flesh.

It can be said that many families lose because they don't know how to argue.

It's important to make agreements before arguing

I know a couple who have been happily married for so many years.

When people ask them the secret of their happy marriage, one of the reasons is: 'We made a promise, we won't be angry and won't say anything after arguing, and things will be fine the next day.'

Arguing is not a 'monster' in marriage, and moderate arguments are harmless. The important thing is to make agreements beforehand, such asnot arguing overnight, not arguing in front of children, not going on a cold war, just talking about the facts, apologizing in turnand so on.

If these agreements are followed, the more they argue, the happier they become.

There's a saying: 'Every time you argue, you should first think about what result you want to achieve? Is it to break up?'

Most couples are afraid of losing each other, so they won't go to the end of marriage unless absolutely necessary. If they don't want to, they should find the reason for the argument, instead of attacking and venting emotions.

With this thinking, arguing becomes more rational.

It's important what attitude you have after arguing

A good family is not that they don't argue, but that after arguing, they still care about each other.

wrote an article called 'Old Husband and Wife' about an elderly couple in their seventies. After arguing, the old man left the house, and the old woman initially got angry, but then she started to worry about the old man and looked for him all over the place. Finally, she rushed home and saw him.

There were two cups of tea on the table, one in front of the old man and one on the other side of the table, and naturally, one was given to her.

In this moment of raised and lowered eyelids, a shyness, embarrassment, and apology flashed. It gave her a sense of comfort that she couldn't describe.

She stood up and reached into her pocket to take out the cigarette she had taken out earlier, and walked over to put it in front of the old man. She didn't say anything, and quickly went to heat up the food for him and make two eggs.

...,

They seemed to be like two cups of water that were mixed together. Arguing is like drawing a line on the water surface, no matter how deep the line is drawn, it disappears in a blink of an eye.

After arguing, they went out and came back for a moment to buy some vegetables, such couples are not able to break up, it's a blessing for the children, and it's a sign of respect for the family.

'Centuries pass, we sail together, thousands of years, we sleep together.'

True companionship lasts for a lifetime, not for children, but for the other halfTherefore, the 'argument' should be gentle!