Homeland, fading away little by little
If not for that year…
Which year? 2011's autumn twilight.
It's already 2020, 8 years have passed since 2012. Time always slips away in a hazy manner, like a petty thief…
8 years of time, what does it all mean?
The biggest gain may be the ability now to accept imperfections, even though life is always full of flaws. Also, I can now laugh off some things from the past. In fact, growth is a beautiful thing. If viewed from this perspective…
She, always asks me what to eat? Making dumplings, slicing noodles, or braised dishes… that woman has been through too much hardship. When she was very young, her mother left, and in middle age, her husband passed away… She is sensitive, melancholic, and quick-tempered… She's easily moved to tears, like a weeping child. I always feel the need to comfort her, but the more I comfort her, the more heartbroken she becomes. There's always a delicate straw in her heart that's easily touched.
Probably, she's heard too many words of praise, and none of them can truly express this kind of emotion.
Actually, it doesn't matter what we eat. I don't know why everyone is so fascinated by those gluttonous feasts. When I'm out there, there's hardly any dish that can be swallowed. Perhaps this is also a consequence of prolonged thinness – like a page of paper that can be blown away in a single gust of wind.
Those potato stir-fries, boiled white cabbage, and noodle dishes are actually the best fillers. When it comes to food, I've never been picky. They're just familiar flavors. So, about her… perhaps only being adrift and traveling can bring a true appreciation for this kind of emotion.
Over the years, I've gradually changed, that self-deprecating, sensitive person is disappearing little by little. Slowly, I've also found that some things can be changed through effort. Especially when you taste the sweetness, persevering in these things becomes addictive. Like many years ago, my father was seriously ill and lying in bed; I almost dropped out of school. However, everything came to an end thanks to my mother's persistence…
Now, I'm no longer obsessed with making a living; I have a little more composure. I thank that former self – the one who never compromised, was stubborn, irritable, and rebellious. Everyone has their own life path. The difficulty lies in finding it – like plunging headfirst into reality, then making a living, and constantly trying to break away. In the end, I realized that halfway through life, I hadn't cultivated my own spiritual garden.
Lost in 'The Road Not Taken,' reminiscent of Sun Xiaoping. Of course, perhaps it's not as extensive as this character's fragments. But we have many similarities. Writing is a marathon with no end in sight – it's like never seeing the finish line. But precisely because of this, I'm willing to invest my energy and myself in it. It's love, a hero's dream in a monotonous life, a combination of life and spirit…
8 years of time, the eldest has grown up and started a family; 8 years of time, memories fade, and hometowns fade away too. Reducing a lifetime to half, I've been escaping that deeply loved and intense place; 8 years of time, I finally found my direction and my capacity. So, the days to come are simply one day after another, just persisting. Actually, it doesn't matter if I persist. The point of writing is to achieve, to break through.
Night. It's getting darker.
Perhaps, these words should have been said a long time ago. But I'm not good at expressing myself, so I'll say them here. It's like the last time I rambled on and on in QQ for a long time, which happened many years ago. So, let's mourn it. After all, what QQ gathers is the true social circle, true friends. I don't worry about the boss, I don't fear surveillance – like a unique tree hole.
According to the rules, it should be time to sleep in bed. During the day, the doctor at the Chinese medicine hospital repeatedly emphasized the importance of getting enough rest and not staying up late. But my brain is stubborn, always urging me to do something.
The night has fallen completely, the city has returned to its most original tranquility, it has returned to a normal breathing rhythm.
So, that's the end for today.
World. Good night.
